Hello dog days!

I'm sitting here wondering if this feeling of paddling like hell to Keep Up is just a phase or if this is Life.  And I'm pretty sure it's just Life. It's just easy to forget the important things, sometimes, and sometimes they're all crowding out everything else. 


UP: Had a great time reconnecting with family and friends during Comic Con.  Missed the opportunity to meet up with fellow SD bloggers because we were so busy. Next year, I'm going to take a bit more time off so it's a little more relaxed. I think I stayed within budget, roughly.

DOWN: For the past weeks, we've been worrying for our dear friends' baby who has a very serious diagnosis.  It was touch and go whether the baby could breathe without assistance and every single "normal" step of taking care of a baby is slow, painful and requires expert medical aid.

UP: Though stressful & at the last minute, I finally got my paperwork out to roll over some last remaining retirement dollars from a previous employer into a new account at Vanguard. It's a bit of a pain - the amount is just a bit less than $3000, and they were giving me guff about rolling over into a previously employer-sponsored plan so maybe I'll roll the now-three employer sponsored plans into a single IRA.

DOWN: We launched a major change at work this week and while it went much more smoothly than expected, it still bred a TON of extra work.  Thusly, I won't have time to do my monthly snapshot for today. And I'll be working all weekend, I think.

UP: I decided that I wanted the free match at work, FWIW and got the paperwork in. Also added a DD peeling off a few hundred dollars into savings, anticipating stabilization of my spending. Or forcing a stabilization of spending.

There's more but I gotta git!  I wish you all a very lovely Saturday and let's catch up!

That's the rather steep fee I've been paying since the summer of 2009 (last year).  The reason I took that pricing was because I got sick of dealing with price quotes during a pretty stressful layoff anticipation and it was so much easier to just extend my existing policy as a rollover plan.

Now that I've got an employer sponsored policy again, I'm wondering if it's worth carrying both policies for a combined near $500K in coverage.  I don't want to become reliant on being employed to be insured - that's why I was scrambling last year for an independent policy.  But is it worth carrying this much more expensive policy for yet another 3 months at $150 for the privilege of being lazy?

I'm barely mentally unpacked from San Diego Comic Con, and I'm looking up another itinerary to go back down to SoCal.  I haven't been *home* since May but this is another quick round trip. Possibly even a same day trip.

In a couple months, we'll be memorializing the passing of my dear friend's beloved father. We lost him exactly midway between my birthday and his - we were four days apart and he always joked that I was four days older than him.  Growing up, I hated my birthdays because they were always strangely lonely, now I don't know how to feel about it. 

Every year that passes and takes with it another loved one makes every memory and tradition that much more poignant.

I'm considering using my Southwest award tickets for this trip. Between the recent vacation spending, the purchase of tickets for next year's vacation, the upcoming dental expenses for both my parents, it behooves me to stop bleeding cash. 

I was going to answer all the comments on this post, but my response is long enough to be a post of its own.

I'm not jumping into any fires. I might have moved in but I haven't completely lost my mind. We're not sharing money at this point, but we're sharing some expenses and combining our money philosophies to create something we can both be happy with. 

Most importantly - you wouldn't realize this because you don't know him so it's only fair to point it out - he wouldn't ask me to take on any more, and especially not his mortgage in truth.

He was joking about that and I understood that. I only parsed out what I could shoulder to illustrate how he needs to be prepared if he were to quit his job. And he may well be, but he wouldn't foolishly up and walk out either. 

CaitlinO pointed out that if I'm not splitting all the bills down the middle, he's subsidizing my lifestyle/savings/family responsibilities. True. And I'm not thrilled with that but the truth is, what I bring to the table is a lot of financial knowledge and a willingness to dig in to any financial situation and improve it. He points out time and again that what I bring to the table is every bit as valuable as the mortgage he pays because I'll take care of our long term financial health.

I love that my blog friends are so smart, y'all see some part of the truth of what I was sharing:

Frugal Zeitgeist is absolutely right: "the best thing you could possibly do for both of you is be his work cheerleader and number one fan while working together to figure out a backup plan that doesn't involve bankrupting you. With your good sense as a guide, it sounds like between the two of you, you'll find a way."

That's exactly what I was doing. Using myself as an example, I was sharing with him the economic breakdown of what we'd need to be able to do in a dire situation. 

SingleMa understood exactly the spirit of my comment: "It wasn't a commitment I chose to take on but our relationship is and this is part of the game."
That made me smile. :-) I hope everything works out with your SO's situation.

Thank you, SingleMa, for seeing the spirit of my post. 

Sense made me laugh: also, does he have an e-fund of his own to fall back on? that might make the situation easier to handle, knowing that you're combining your Forces. You know, 'Power of The E-Funds Unite!' and you could get shiny rings and place them together whenever you needed to draw on your new improved dual powers. :)

I love this. We totally need Power Fund Rings. He doesn't have what I consider a good e-fund for his obligations but this situation has enlightened him more to the need. Slowly but surely, I'm turning a spender into less of a spender?

Crystal pointed out the very thing I don't want to face, what could happen if I didn't share with him my accountanty brain: Life works out most of the time, but I hope PiC doesn't quit until he finds something better. Toxic sucks, but so will the fights that start when you start feeling used...or at least, that's what happened to us.

Funny About Money: If he's that unhappy with the job, I hope he's looking elsewhere. It's a lot easier to get a job when you've got a job.

If he's not at risk of being fired, it might be good for him to consider what my tax lawyer once said when I wanted nothing more than to get away from the Great Desert University: "A sh*tty job is better than no job."

Not at risk, no, but there's absolutely every reason for him to find a better place before he becomes so unhappy there IS a risk.

My thanks .....

to Beating Broke for hosting this week's Carnival of Personal Finance.

Be sure to submit to next week's Carnival!

There was always supposed to be some scheduled posts but that didn't happen, obviously, so here I am, dashing off a quick note on my last night in San Diego to let you know that my spending proves I'm still alive and kicking.



I'm totally out of shape and am barely making it out this year: my feet are blistering in protest of the miles of con floor walking and dashes to panels, and the astronomically long lines while carrying 20 pounds of comics.

I bought 20 pounds of comics.

Only half of them were gifts.

That and 2 other gifts cost all the cash I brought down with me and then some ($173).

Am packmuling home ten t-shirts (9 freebies, 4 from the Scott Pilgrim Marketing Bonanza, 1 gift for a friend). 

I'm still online because I'm watching my inbox for an email from a stranger with an attached photo of me with Adam Baldwin. (!!!)

And now I'm going to pass out and dream-brainstorm good thank-you gifts for the gracious owners of the condo in which I stayed for free.  Flowers? Food? (Food's too hard.)

"Can you pay the mortgage for a while?"

If you hear that high-pitched squealing, it's either my tires peeling out of the garage, or the whistle of my brain on overdrive.

PiC wasn't totally serious when he asked, it was really just out of frustration.  He's been going through a rough patch at the job and it's at a point where I think it's toxic. Having been there, I know from toxic and I know it's insidious. You develop defense mechanisms that are hard to break and stop trusting people.  He needs a major change or at the very least, the comfort of knowing that if he wanted or needed to jump ship, he's financially able to.  You know, the e-fund!

As much as I practice financial responsibility here, I don't preach it everywhere and especially not to someone who is meant to be a partner. We have our differences and discuss them rationally to find a compromise. That said, of course there's a corner of my brain that goes "poof" like a small atomic bomb.  "Why?!?!" it screeches.

Not "why would you lean on me?" and not "why would you even think about quitting?"  I know the answers to those questions and I'm fine with it.  It's a very simple "why did you wait until nooowwww to think about this??"

Ok.  That's my vent.  Onward we go.

I did a quick verbal calculation for him: worst case scenario, I could support the both of us, and my family, for about 9 months using the cash I have on hand.  That would completely drain my cash holdings without accounting for the incoming paychecks. (That is not, as we all know from the unemployment rolls, a very long time.)

At some point in the near future, very near, we'll have to discuss a more realistic plan than burning bridges or stewing in a bad work environment for the sake of a paycheck, chained down by a mortgage.  It wasn't a commitment I chose to take on but our relationship is and this is part of the game. 

If there's a bright side to this situation, we'll be talking much more frankly and proactively about money than ever before.  And that's a good thing in my book.

Click here to see the follow-up post, comments and further explanation.


My thanks .....

to Tim of NerdWallet.com for hosting this week's Carnival of Personal Finance.

Be sure to submit to next week's Carnival!

PiC does stand for Partner in Crime, for those of you who were asking. I think it's fun but he would like it to be known that we are "strictly on the up and up" with every bit of "legit"ness possible. :D  This is why he cracks me up, he takes the oddest things literally.  And it's true, we're totally legit around here. 

In other news, I've been thoroughly irresponsible this weekend thanks to an unexpected houseguest.  An old friend gave me a call on Thursday asking if I happened to have bedspace, which we do, and made a serious drive over to visit.  He's been housebound for a while so he was in the mood for a lot of city livin' - which is so very much not me.  As it turns out, we compromised pretty well.

We had a lovely dinner out in the city with his old friend which cost $23 each for the traditional 7 courses of beef.  I didn't know there was a Pagolac in the Bay Area - I used to dine there with my family as the ultimate treat for big big things down south. I know now that it's not really that costly in comparison to gourmet food but it was pretty serious stuff for my fam. We rarely ever ate out so for that lifestyle, that was a splurge.  Honestly, I still appreciate the simplicity and still feel a touch spoiled when we eat that meal.

Saturday dawned late with a little bit of sleeping in which was lovely. We cruised the Farmers Market, picking up salami cones, quarter pounds of cheese, the most excellent bread, and a couple of really expensive peaches.  We got lost, taking the wrong freeway, and ended up munching our way through all that food watching the waves crash on the rocks of Treasure Island.  Best thing?  We avoided having to pay the toll for taking the wrong bridge!  Lunch, snacks for later: $24

Later that night, we discovered a fantastic Thai restaurant in Oakland, Sabuy Sabuy, that the nearest multiplex cinema had the worst parking structure set-up ever, paid $2 for the privilege of parking for 3 minutes to not see a sold out movie, and THEN paid $10.50 each for a movie ticket at another theater.  *smh*  Unfortunately, I completely forgot that I had a Regal Cinemas ticket voucher - could have saved a bit of cash.

Today was going to be errand running but we got a late start and after feasting on the leftover peaches, frozen hash browns and other carbs, I'm settling in to finally get some work done.  Ahh....leftovers for dinner tonight! 

There's something incredibly refreshing about hanging out with friends of old.  I'm not terribly social, nor that trusting since college, so it always takes more effort to spend time with people who I've not been acquainted with all that long.  It's been lovely catching up with these friends more frequently but I definitely need to find a more economical way to do it.  "They're worth it" is the first step on a pretty slippery slope!  And on the eve of my trip down south, I should be more conscientious about spending.

Continued from the last post ... 

For the last ten years, I learned painfully, repeatedly, not to trust anyone about money. My family's track record meant that I had to take control or lose my mind. Or the house. I was darned if I'd let any more bad things happen to me again. *shakes fist a la Scarlett O'Hara (Did she shake her fist? Or is that unladylike?)*  Since then, it was always my effort that put food on the table, kept the lights on, the water running.  Not for me the bad roommates, dealing with shared rent and bills, cleaning up after people, or any of those popular horror stories. 

More importantly, while I don't judge anyone else for their choices to or not to cohab, I can and do judge myself. For many years, cohabbing was never on the table and it's been distinctly weird saying that... I ... live ... with ... PiC.

But while this choice, more unguided than misguided, went against my decision never to live with a significant other before marriage, it cut to the bone of my philosophy about trust and people. Namely the part where they don't go together.

By choosing to cohabitate, I depend on PiC. I rely on him to pay his bills, to provide my home, to support me.  (Heartburn.)  It's not that he doesn't earn a decent income or that he's a bill-evader, he's just not deathly allergic to debt like I am. Oh, and he's a spender. (Aneurysm.)  I've always known that about him but figured that by the time marriage was on the table, which was the only time I'd allow myself to enter into financial co-dependence, we'd have found a compromise.

So this whole moving in thing? Can we say whole system meltdown?  

Funny thing, though. After three weeks of (mostly repressing) angst/anxiety about it, I began to discover that it can work.

I wrung some concessions out of him for my own sanity.  We keep spreadsheets on the things that my living here will increase like groceries, eating out, utilities and roughly split those.  I pay for groceries because my credit card gets better grocery cashback.  He pays for gas because he gets better prices (Costco).  I get to manage the monthly spending limits and I cook a LOT to keep bills down.  After three months, we'll sit down and review our spending together and decide how to build a reasonable side by side budget.  I'd like to contribute more one way or another.  We're not combining finances, but we'll make them cohabitable.

We compromise a lot. We've had our spats but they were mostly about misunderstanding the other person's motives. We step on each others' toes because we try not to.  Once we talk it through, it's fine.

He's been amazingly supportive about my health issues. (Though, his supportiveness isn't really amazing for him. If you knew him, you'd know that's just the way he is.) We giggle a lot. We have the dumbest jokes and snipe at each other until it gets so ridiculous that we crack up.  He lets me grouse; I nudge him when he's winding himself up. I can't recall why I thought cohabitation was such a horrible idea now that I've experienced it.

Not only am I out of a toxically worrying environment, I can just sit in the living room and relax. In my entire adult life, I've never done that. Not in a safe, my-home kind of place, and definitely not with any sense that I can trust someone else to take care of me if I need help. How luxurious!

And because of all this weird and good stuff, the thought of marriage no longer causes anxiety.  That's some serious progress.  Yes, my family still needs my help and yes, I still feel very responsible for their health and safety. No, I have no idea where I can afford to move them and no, I don't feel at peace about them. But I can, for the first time, look at the future and think about making plans with a sense of purpose instead of panic.

Perhaps I need to start a courthouse fund.  Because I still think eloping's the way to go. :)

Within reason, I share quite a lot of my life here on this blog. That's why I keep it anonymous - between the financial soul-baring and the occasional emoting, it's somehow less embarrassing if people who know me don't know me.

Still, there's this thing I've been keeping this under my hat for some time. For lots of reasons.

I wasn't sure it was the right decision. I hadn't taken all the prudent, protective steps beforehand. I wasn't sure that I was even ready to do this so if it blew up in my face, I kind of wanted to go hide in a corner and not talk about it.  But most importantly, because my family couldn't know.  In a bigger way than they can't know that I've been saving for their later years, or that it's been an incredible struggle with my own health and happiness to provide for them.  More than all that guilt-related sort of stuff, they couldn't know this because I can't trust my sibling with this knowledge.

As you well know, my sibling is my polar opposite: where I'm responsible, he's footloose and fancy-free. Where I'm cautious, he's reckless, where I'm a saver, he's a spender. Most importantly, when I'm on my own, I take care of business. When he doesn't have someone to answer to, he's destructive.  And my moving out had to be kept a secret for that reason.

But the other thing that I kept even more under my hat was that I moved in with PiC.

It felt like a cheat.

He refused to talk rent, he refused to talk bills, he refused to talk 50/50 anything. As far as he was concerned, it made the most sense for us to be living in the same place (literally, not just in the same city) at the same time, he was already paying a mortgage regardless of where I was or what I was doing, I needed time to get back on my feet and settled, and I already had too many expenses. Never no mind that the responsible thing to do was to talk out our expectations, household duties and I always always pay my way.  

It drove me nuts. But I had two weeks to find a place, my family's expenses eat up at least 70% of my take home salary and that's before I'd factored in personal living expenses. It was really hard to make any sort of functional budget including rent, food, insurance.  So, uncharacteristically, irresponsibly, I took a leap of faith and moved in with him.

Stay tuned....


My thanks .....

to VH of Funny About Money for hosting this week's Carnival of Personal Finance, including my post The Niceness Effect.

Be sure to submit to next week's Carnival hosted by Nerdwallet!

With a few minor deviations, like having paid rent for July already, I've pulled together what should pretty accurately reflect my financial month of June.  I keep wondering if I should continue to post these reports. They were always meant to keep me accountable and make it really easy to keep track of whether or not I'm making progress, but there's the niggling thought that perhaps it comes off as bragging after you reach a certain point. 


The seemingly "steady" creep up is just the aftereffects of the great push, also known as: $5K/5K challenge. Not a penny was from regular earnings, almost every cent of that is being spent on regular expenses.

There's something that I'll soon, in the spirit of full financial disclosure, share with you in a future post that has radically affected my finances recently.

In the meantime, however, there are things that have to change about the picture you see above.

One, there haven't been any contributions in my retirement accounts since I started this job. That's because, dear friends, I've been a slacker in the last two months and couldn't decide what to do about that blasted 401(k) issue.  I hate passing on free money vs. I'm not convinced the match (total of 4% to my 5%, I misread the literature before) is worth the extra fees.

Two, I've been paying all my parents' expenses since leaving, but I keep wondering if there's a way I can squeeze out a little more to give them a small cash allowance as well.  Although they have my credit cards, I know there's something disheartening about never having real money on hand.  That may not be possible though, because point three is...

I'd like to have at least $1,000 saved just for their dental expenses. The moving fund is in ok shape, not enough for deposits, a move, and all that yet, but I also need another $1,000 for their dental. Their coverage is, frankly, crap.

I was going to keep going but this is going to turn into a wish list if I do.  Best to stick with these for now.

Despite knowing about our trip down south last weekend for a couple months, I failed to prepare far enough in advance to prevent several wasteful results of being gone and off routine.

Spending, while not wildly out of control, couldn't be said to be under control either because I've honestly not been keeping track of my cash flow spreadsheet. July doesn't have a single entry listed.

    A) While down south, I went to Target fully knowing I needed 4 or 5 items and that they weren't really budgeted for. Went anyway. Luckily, I found nothing on the list except a handful of really cute and well-priced cards that I needed for weddings, birthdays, and other occasions: $6. 
    B) We ordered take-out lunch while rushing from lodgings to hospital to see the new baby and parents; we failed to take note of the total price until I asked for it after calling the order in: $70!
    C) Vending machines in hospitals take credit cards now.  When you're there all day for multiple days and only brought one bottle of water: $10
    D) Groceries that I didn't have time to prepare beforehand went bad (some salsa, some pasta sauce, some veggies)
    E) Grocery shopping only happens on weekends so getting back late on Monday night meant eating leftovers brought back from the weekend OR .... eating out.  One night, a high-earning friend was in town and insisted on going to Ruth's Chris so also insisted on treating so we now owe her the next dinner, instead of just paying our own way each time.
    F) It could have been worse, without fresh veggies to fix lunch either, it was a peanut butter sandwich every day this week. I'm glad that I really like PB!
    G) Almost forgot, I also spent $40 on groceries for the new parents. A gift, let's call it.

Bills didn't go unpaid, thankfully because I tend to pay them every two weeks and the day before any trips, but I did forget to calculate my net worth for the month of June, I forgot to set up some invoices, and barely managed to meet other online commitments.


It's time to get it together. 

1. Invoices - prepare and send
2. Net worth - pull it together! Since I'm still in between paychecks, it should be fairly accurate
3. Grocery shopping - at least decide what recipes are up for the week and make up the list.  Perhaps even go today.  (I'm still pretty achy, yesterday was a tough day.)
4. Cooking!
Prepare chicken stock for soupbases for the week.
Defrost another chicken and have PiC learn from the fabulous @HeatherSolos from Home Ec 101 how to wield a knife and break down a whole chicken (almost the only kind of chicken I think is cheap enough to buy). I prefer to hog kitchen duty but my bones and muscles can't handle the heavy duty stuff.
Perhaps defrost all the jambalaya making stuff and make up a whole tureen for the week?

That's more than enough for today since I also have to get some work-work in before Monday.  And PiC promised to sit down with me and crunch numbers for some possible trips we'd like to take.

I was semi-stranded the other day with only ten dollars in cash and my trusty credit cards.  The combination of poor planning, getting stuck in meetings at work, and my public transportation melange resulted in my having to grab a cab for a less than 3 mile hop.  Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled about the extra cost but had no intention of stiffing the cabbie. I asked him, before getting into the cab, if he accepted credit cards.

"Only for a $15 fare or more."
"Ok, I either have a credit card or I have $10 in cash, and I only have to go 3 miles, will that be enough cash or enough to meet the credit card minimum?"
"Well, it's like a $12, $13 ride but ... just get in, we'll see."

We chatted, I asked about his day, and after a few minutes he said over his shoulder, "you only have $10 in cash?  Ok. Ok, I'll just take ten dollars. It'll be easier and you're nice. You're my last fare, my wife called asking when I'd be home, it's a short ride.  And after a shift, sometimes, the nice people are more important, it's so little difference in money."

I protested, but he insisted that he didn't feel taken advantage of and that he was fine with it.
 I know it's not a huge amount, but I also know that cab drivers don't have an easy job and even though I don't know how well they're paid, I believe in giving a fair tip.  In this case, I would have tipped $3 on a $13 fare.  He basically gave me a 50% discount.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been the "cab driver"?  Is niceness important enough to give up some money?  Or do you think, as PiC would jokingly rib, it was because I'm a giiiiirl?

In the last two weeks, I've attended two weddings. One was a surprise invite from a new friend I'd bonded with over rheumatoid arthritis, unemployment, job-hunting and other mutual concerns; the other was a surprise as well but from a very dear friend.

The second friend insisted that out of town guests not give gifts, and provided a really cool "registry" where those guests who didn't have their own ideas could donate towards a few things that the happy couple would like to own. I love everything they picked and loved the idea of donating toward the really cool stuff.

The first friend, well, I'm a little bit stymied.  I think that it's probably appropriate to give more of a token gift because I'm not a very close friend and we were a last minute invite.  I know this because we had discussed her wedding in casual chats several times, namely how she was keeping it very small and budget - there's no way we're good enough friends that we were A-list guests. No harm in knowing that in my opinion, we're both pragmatic people and I'm in no way offended.

My question is: am I wrong?  PiC immediately assumed we were giving $100.  I'm of the mindset that a token gift card of $50 would be fine.  Is that a cheap consideration?  Should the depth of the relationship be part of the equation in determining a gift?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other wedding related posts:
Weddings
Weddings: how far would you go, how much would you spend?
Wedding Registries: A time to judge?
 


My thanks .....

to Evan of My Journey to Millions for hosting this week's Carnival of Personal Finance and including my plea/cry of exasperation about iPhones and smartphones.

Be sure to submit to next week's Carnival hosted by Funny About Money!

One of the hardest things about having moved away from family and friends is that there's no way I can swoop in and visit whenever someone's ill, depressed or distressed.  That was probably the best thing about being unemployed/freelancing: when situations came up, I could be there for people.

In fact, the way people tend to hermitize when they're going through rough times (which I've been doing myself for three months, so I'm not throwing stones), I'm not even likely to know that they're having a bad time of it until well afterward.

I'm attending an old friend's wedding this weekend and it happened to put us in the right place for once. PiC's sibs were expecting and their wee one was born early in an emergency situation. We'll be able to visit them in the hospital and help out over the weekend if there's anything they need.

My fingers are crossed that the health situation resolves soon and they can enjoy their new addition without this extra concern soon. 

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and an extra day off for those who have Monday off. 

Win-Win-WIN. 

I'm not the wedding type, I've said that time and again. But I'm spitting mad and am willing to have a wedding just so that I can leave out almost a whole branch of my family.

Let's talk petty, shall we?

Speaking with my dad, I find that not only have my mom's siblings carried on in their tradition of being utterly selfish (no great surprise), they've zero empathy for the fact that she literally has no control over being kind of out of her gourd a lot of the time and as a result, they've pushed her out of their lives. Fine, that's their choice. BUT they're also choosing to pick and peck at her from afar. They sneer at her behind her back, and to all the other siblings, for not being successful, healthy, or wealthy. And it's no longer even just the sibs, their mom has joined in the act.  That's the final straw.

While she doesn't remember two days after it's happened, I won't tolerate that kind of behavior and it'll be a cold day in Zimbabwe before they're welcome in my home. 

Would you believe that they invited her over to "visit" only to ignore her the whole time, and her own mother walked away from her rather than respond to attempts at conversation?  Really?? She's ill.  Her entire "childhood" was about raising those ingrates.  She gets married which should be a bit of a pass but then spent more than fifteen years of her married life scrimping so she could send money to  them, spending untold amounts of time and money to support their move to the U.S. After all that, this is how they treat her?

Oh we're done.  I'm divorcing that side of the family. 

And y'know what? If PiC insists he really wants a wedding? Fine. No problem. Starting with Grandma and all the way down the line of aunts and uncles who participate in the shenanigans, and their kids who aren't old enough to be independently considered, we can consider my guest list thoroughly revamped. I'll keep about ten members of the clan, the rest of them can go fly a kite.

Just think how much money I can "save" by being just as petty as those I'm condemning!  ;)

**Please don't think I've entirely lost my mind. I'm not seriously doing up a shindig just to spite them. But if PiC insists on a wedding, they are NOT invited.**