Back in high school, a friend decided to raise a guide dog puppy for her senior year volunteer task. The first time she brought him to school, because you have to take them everywhere, I almost died over how cute he was.

In the last few months of his training, I'd finagled dog-sitting duties during the class periods that she had to be away for sports practices. Math class was never so tolerable as when there was a darling Labrador retriever sprawled under my desk.

Ever since, I've been secretly plotting to raise a guide dog puppy someday. It'd be perfect: the dog would grow up to help people, I would get a really cute puppy for a while with a license to go anywhere. Win-win!

Actually, I'd really like to raise a therapy dog, but that's a little more hit or miss; you can't guarantee that a dog will be a suitable companion for that kind of thing but it feels like the right thing to do if you luck out. 

The NY Times featured some of the programs that train guide dog puppies as well as service dogs for veterans.

Veterans Helped by Healing Paws
----------------------------------
Canine Companions for Independence Veterans Program
America’s VetDogs
Neads Canines for Combat Veterans

Image from cci.org

It's time. It's more than time.  Given all my health spasms, the delay makes absolutely no sense but it should.  Going to a new doctor to explain all my issues (pronounce: "iss-seeuuwws") from the last 15 years transports me into the state of denial and aggro. 

It's dumb.  Absolutely dumb. I know it but there's something that's balked at having to start that Find a New Doctor and Start Over nonsense. That would be the memory of 10 years of being bounced from doctor to doctor who all told me it was in my head, that my pain was imaginary, that no one my age could be experiencing what I was, in fact, experiencing.  Jerks. 

Anyway, no more delaying tactics - I'm going to start going to the doctor so I can find a good doctor. As much as I hate the rigamarole, I have to start somewhere and at least I'm not a confused, shy, teenager in too much pain to stand up for herself. 

I'm compiling a single page document to summarize the past 15 years of tests, meds and exams and bringing it with me - that'll save time.

And the bigger pain is the literal one in my neck and shoulders that tighten up to iron-rod strength every time I get stressed or something else hurts.  It's just foolish to not try and fix *that.*

Wish me luck!



My thanks .....

to Suburban Dollar for hosting this week's Carnival of Personal Finance. 

Everyone is still alive and well. 

Family 
This is how I know my parents are still eating regularly and out and about town even though I'm not right there to see it:

$239 of my $439 credit card balance is for gas and groceries at their favored markets and gas stations. 


Friends
Two dear friends (two separate couples) just let me know they're expecting.  Both surprises, and they're both really early in the first trimester which always makes me a tiny bit nervous when people announce that early. But I'm health-matters-shy so I keep my worries to myself and bid them Congratulations!

I've been MIA in friend circles for the most part so it's nice to know life really does go on. 

Work
I still haven't determined the best commute method or schedule that's most time and financially efficient.  I'll just load a chunk of money onto my Commuter FSA, use that to fund a Clipper card for the bus that I've been paying out of pocket and have a fairly flexible way to pay for all kinds of SF transportation. I'll use it eventually.

This week - I may have found my center.  My Zen. My professional bedrock.  Not once did I crumble in despair over people quitting (another one's off to do cool things, good for that one!), the imminence of a major project, the stresses of getting my job done and done well.  The pressure is still ON ON ON but I'm now standing tall and moving through it. 

FUN
Heading out to a wedding reception in a few, then have PiC's back-home friends in town this weekend.  Comic Con is coming up quickly and I have a small budget for to enjoy it with.  *squeeee*

'tis all for now, hope you're having a fantastic weekend and see you soon!

Remember how I needed a new phone?  I'm still eking out as much life out of my current phone and plan as possible but it's clearly geriatric and the simplest commands take as much as 25 seconds to start working. It's time for a contingency plan.  But ....

After 5 years of working on a Powerbook, I still went with a PC for my primary use laptop at home.  It took me two and a half months to activate my iPhone (2G) from Christmas 2007.  Heck, I refused to activate it until my phone actually stopped working.  To this day, I'm still grumpy about paying $65/month instead of $40 for cell phone service though admittedly, am addicted to having email and Twitter almost all the time.  The shortcomings, quirks and many many dropped calls or freezing up incidents could fill up a phone book.

So ... why is it that I'm having the worst time imagining life with a different phone? No, that's not what I mean. I would looove a phone that functioned fully. I would love to have reasonably good performance and reasonably low pricing.  T-mobile has a fantastic deal right now with, get this:

No Activation Fee
2 Free Smartphones
Free Shipping
750 Anytime Minutes
Unlimited texting
Unlimited web service
Unlimited mobile to mobile

All for $100/month.

$100!!  For two phones! (I'm considering a family plan with PiC.)  After taxes, even, let's say, 20% in taxes and fees, that's still less than I'm paying now.  My budget rules my decisions when it comes to phones, so why does my not-budget now chime in with a reluctant "Mehhhhhh..."?

That's it.  Apple has brainwashed me into believing that their interface is right and all others are wrong.

I can't even remember where half my apps are, I hate Apple's business practices (good for them, oh-so-bad for me) but I viscerally can't accept a different interface. 

Well played, Steve Jobs.

Yesterday's experiment wasn't the best pub transit experience ever.  While I remember some stress-fraught days waiting for an employer-affiliated bus to show up, they were 90% on time coming and going, and with minor exceptions, the train was pretty solid as well.

Running late seems to be par for the course for Muni, Metro and their cousins.  Option A sounded pretty solid on paper. In fact, there's no good way to figure out which of the 4 possible stops on an intersection a given bus pulls into as a first time rider. In fact, there were multiple possible stops on one of the 4 ways, so I ran around like a nutjob trying to figure out where to be.  Of course I missed my first shot out and was late for my first day in the new place.  Not a huge deal, but mildly frustrating. The butt burner was the fact that people requested stops EVERY block.  Add on another ten minutes to a joltingly long ride.

Going home was no picnic, either. I realized that my two-stops per hour train route was really difficult to match with the bus routes/schedule.  Coming into work using BART per Option B will call for matching yet another set of schedules to the BART/Muni pairing: that of the free shuttle.  There's a very conveniently located free shuttle that'll take you to the nearby BART stations so I could avoid paying for parking since it goes the opposite direction of my current carpool.  The problem is that there is one schedule, period.  That shuttle would dictate which BART and then which Muni I could take afterward, no compromises.

*sigh*

And as it turns out, taking on the commute like this isn't just time, of course it costs a lot extra as well.  My costs are doubling, sometimes more than that, depending on whether I have to drive and pay for parking that day.  All told, the cost of going to work now ranges from $8.50 to $12 per day!

While I'd factored about $100 into the transportation budget, that pretty much blows it out of the water. At this rate, between starting up investing again and this chunk, I've used up any slack in the budget found when cutting back on spending.  It almost might be worth paying the equivalent cost in parking and saving myself the run/wait/run/wait aspect of the commute.

Somehow I'd almost forgotten that starting today, my office will no longer be a convenient, single train ride location.  It's not that I'd forgotten about the move, just the consequences of it such as having a new address, new business cards, and horror of horrors: having to navigate a new public transit route. 

There are two options: taking the old route plus a bus (adding another 20-30 minutes)
or
taking a new route via BART and subway (almost the same total travel time).

I'm trying the first option first today since I still have Caltrain passes to use up and should only pay an extra $2 for the bus (and $3 today since I'm driving myself to the station).  Sometime during the week I'll start testing the BART routes.  BART plus subway is projected to cost $4.50 each way and I might be able to take a free shuttle to and from the station depending on their and my hours of operation.

Much as I'm tempted to gripe about the doubled commute time, it's still shorter than my former commute of an hour and twenty minutes. I do wish that San Francisco had better public transit, though, the systems are all really pricey, don't really seem to work together all that well and the fare and schedule information aren't clear at all. 511.org was not all it's been touted to be. 

Here's hoping there'll be at least one bank and one library branch within a really short walking distance.

The great thing is I happen to be moving practically next door to the temporary workplace of one of my high school friends. We might even get to see each other! 

Best line: "I need to jump at least one curb." (driving a 2-person surrey holding 3 people)

Best laugh: Watching as my friend decided to "rodeo" the wooden horse mounted on a spring, and sl-l-l-ooowwwwwww-ly tilt and fall off the side. She was parallel to the ground, hanging on for dear life, until she lost her grip and *thumped* gently down that last inch.

Best food: Lunch at a completely empty sushi restaurant. Delicious food, great portions and 100% service from the only person working ($75).

or wait, maybe it was my asparagus risotto with Creole shrimp with roasted potatoes and onions next to a green salad!  That was pretty darn good and only $15 for three meals.

Best pain:  Sore bums after hitting the race slides built for kids half our size. Best 5 out of 7 for the privilege of paying for groceries.


Best view: Staring off the coast toward Sausalito and the GG Bridge to watch two intrepid swimmers making their way out to sea.

Best adventure: Renting a surrey for an hour ($20), offroading said surrey, crashing downhill at unsafe speeds.  Taking the surrey off the proscribed paths to the Academy of Sciences, discovering free Ben and Jerry's, chatting with strangers, petted three dogs, having our picture taken by the B&J employee because we were "cute," and getting free flash drives for taking pictures with their cows.  Oh, and getting my pants stuck to the surrey while sitting on the front basket bars. 

Best new food discovery: Cinderella's Bakery has authentic Russian food served by what I'm convinced are authentic Russian People.  They were excellent and so was the food ($32). 

Best laugh at other people (not my friends):  Wildlife volunteers at a preserve were treed by a baby skunk.

Best realization:  I think I'm ready to settle down a bit. Not stop traveling and become a total hermit, but settle down and accept this as my home for now. And that means I. Want. A. DOG.  (Most particularly mine, but if she can't tolerate this weather, I won't do it to her.)  Visiting the humane society reminded me of how much I miss having animals in my life and even if I can't have one dog to bring home now, I'd like to start volunteering.

Also, the idea of marriage (and maybe even a teeny-tiny wedding of some sort) doesn't send me into dry heaves or a panic attack. Huh.

It wasn't the cheapest weekend but mostly for my friends. I fail at beating these friends to the check most times because they're bigger than me and paying any meal checks has become a contact sport. I did manage to pay for most of the groceries, only just, but they got me back by sending a $100 SpaFinder gift certificate.  *eyeroll*  What the heck, people?  I'm hosting you!  Let me do my thing! But I made them delicious breakfasts and one dinner, that'll show them!  Right?  Right?

There were some excellent photos but not on my camera. Must finagle.

Sometimes I see through an opening, but I don't fit through it. #ow

Sometimes I do math really really wrong and get the right answer. #hm

Sometimes I do math really really right and get the wrong answer. #hmmm

Sometimes I forget what I'm going to say when I find the person I need to say it to. #eh?

Sometimes I would just quit and go home if it weren't for Ctrl-Z. #sigh

Sometimes I forget to get off the train. (The one that started it all.) #!!!

Happy Friday!

If it’s true that my brother may actually leave the house, there are a lot of decisions to be made. So many that my brain resolutely walls off that side of reality because it knows it can't face up to the facts yet.  Blogging it is my way of thwarting my own brain.

I need to find new housing for my parents, and determine if my dog can live with me. Poor pup’s old and her knees are possibly as bad as mine are! Not to mention that the entire weather system is totally different from home - I worry it would affect her as seriously as it's done me. 

My furniture and other belongings left at the house have to be moved with them or to me. Insurances will have to change, movers have to be called, tons of *stuff* has to be recycled or disposed of.

An outline's all I can handle right now. That and starting to figure out how much to save and how to earn even more income so I can afford to make it happen. Maybe I'll vision board it like FB's recommending for travel. Heck, why not?



My thanks .....

to Pop of Pop Economics for including my post on Updating your resume is like banking your savings in this week's Carnival of Personal Finance.

to vh of Funny about Money for the link to the same post.

Be sure to submit to this week's Carnival of Personal Finance hosted by Personal Finance Journey this week!

If I could carry a tune, I'd be singing the praises of this, the Corningware Simply Lite 3-quart dish and cover.

I alluded to my medical/physical condition in this post, but didn't elaborate because I don't want this to become a whine-fest.  It might be helpful to know that fatigue, joint pain, muscle pain are all major players and are all chronic, now they've figured into my life for over a dozen years.

It's become pretty severe. I can't hold up a pot half filled with water with one hand, lift two five pound roasting birds out of the oven. Heck, some days, opening the beknighted refrigerator doors causes pain to spike into my shoulder.  My cake and cupcake bake-a-thons are definitely a thing of the past.  And this from the girl who once prided herself on doing anything her big brother could do, physically. 

The biggest immediate effect it has on my financial life is aside from popping way more pain meds than I'm happy about, now that I'm cooking and cleaning every day, in other words, really running my own household, I need everything to be as light, durable and low maintenance as possible.  It's amazing how easily I forget my limits and cook too long, wash too many dishes during the course of cooking or clean-up and cause excruciating, emanating pain that doesn't subside for hours.  Days, even.

I refuse to let this prevent me from making my lasagna!

The hunt was on for the durable cookware, piece by piece, without breaking the bank or straining my joints. On that odd shopping trip to Target where I didn't find much of anything else, we discovered Corningware's Simply Lite line. Every other dish was already too heavy for me to handle, empty.  By darn if the casserole dish in the size I wanted didn't feel like holding a stack of paper plates. Perfect!  

Unfortunately, Target wanted $27.99 for it.  I couldn't bring myself to shell out that much cash, so I thought: Macy's sales+ coupons + gift card?  Except a quick iPhone search listed the sale price as $36.95.  Even worse.  The lightbulb finally clicked on and I realized that if it was available on Amazon, I might find a better price, use my Swagbucks earned Amazon GCs, AND get the goods delivered within a couple days.  Win, win, win, and WIN. The last win being getting what I want. 

I'm sharing the link in case anyone might want to experience the wonder for themselves. 

When do you think about your shiny resume and sparkling accomplishments?  About as often as you dust your high school or college diploma, right? Which is to say: never, unless you need it?

If you're nodding right now, consider yourself my special guest audience: Your resume needs constant weeding and tending, watering and attention just like your savings.

The time to save, and the time to update your resume, is before you need it.

I'm three months into the new job and it's been a blur of activity, new concepts, crazy challenges, and learning to speak a whole different set of jargon.  It's going to take another three months to start to feel settled in and leave behind the trauma, trials and travails. In that time, however, it's entirely possible that I will have forgotten important details about my work life because they've become old hat or because my memory's crap and painful memories are best forgotten.  Six months after that, my accomplishments become even more hazy and so very "yeah .. I did ... something."

Of course I think that I won't forget the really significant things but how long do you suppose your memory will hold out?  Heck, I kick butt at my job but get so caught up that I forget what day it is all the time.

I'm no fool.  I'm writing down my job summary on the resume now, and keeping a spreadsheet of accomplishment by the month to boot.  Those will also serve as my talking points when I sit down for a six-month review and present my case for a raise. In twelve months, I'll have the data ready to rinse and repeat.

In however many months after that, when I'm ready to move on, the routinely updated resume won't be more than a few months behind my actual work and won't reek of last job staleness.  And if it comes to a downturn or a layoff or any other depressing means of termination? I won't be writing my resume in the trough of depression - that never makes for a good sell. 

Like an emergency fund, a stellar resume cannot be built overnight - you've got to put the time and effort in earning the nuggets of glory to populate your list of accomplishments and you've also got to record them. Neglect one or the other, and your final withdrawal will seem pretty paltry at the close of any job.

Tired of Being Broke is the winner of the $50 SmartyPig gift card!  (Email me soon!)

Pardon the delay, it's been quite the manic few days.

...if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything...
The Princess Bride

It's a sad fact of life that sometimes you  make choices and compromises heretofore unthought of in pursuit of better health.  Some of them aren't a big deal: it's just that you have to exercise in the mornings, instead of evenings lest you lie restless all night, or you have to mind this one stretch or that other warm-up because it makes your elbow go wonky. 

Sometimes it's a very big deal.

Sometimes, you choose between eating dinner or taking a hot bath because you're in too much pain to eat and properly rest.  You forgo a dream career path because it's too highly physical for 4-6 years of professional schooling before you can choose to specialize in an area that's less physically demanding. (You wouldn't last a week.)

You'll become limited to adopting small dogs because in an emergency, you wouldn't be able to carry the bigger dog to the vet or away from harm's way. You probably wouldn't believe the number of people who call, frantic, about their sick dog they can't carry to the vet's and there's nothing a vet can do over the phone for you.  It's a very real concern.

There are all kinds of compromises that are made when your good health can no longer be taken for granted, when the good days are so rare as to be cherished, defined as "only a few parts of me really hurt right now."

Danielle knows what I'm talking about.  Abby knows what I'm talking about. Nicole talked about the costs of health maintenance. Many others deal with health issues, minor to life-threatening.  Many of them have noted that a significant part of the choices you make when a firm, fit and ready-to-go body isn't what you see in the mirror, involves money.

What you spend your money on is highly influenced by your state of mind which is heavily informed by the state of your body.

These days, I haven't eked out the time to find a new doctor, so I'm spending time and money (and feeling guilty to boot) in a nearly perpetual-drought state on hot baths in order to keep functioning.  Next week, it'll be therapeutic massages to keep me mobile, and maybe alternative medicine.  Who knows what ten years down the road might bring?

All the more reason to become as financially stable as possible while I can make hay.  You know, while the sun shines and all that.

I look forward to living pain-free someday but hope for the best and plan for the worst, guys. I'll keep on saving and investing until I can do no more. 

If nothing else, there are days where I can walk a straight line and I stop, breathe and think, I'm so grateful that I am walking without searing pain right this moment. I know it can and will change, but right here, right now, I'm grateful.

Take care of your health, friends, as best you can with what you've got.

A dog with two squeaky toys flies on the wings of joy.
If you'd please
throw the toys.


A $9,500 lamp (that could eat your head)
if it gained sentience.
And it's sold out!

Who pays
$4000
for a CHAIR???
I'll give you $50.




My thanks .....

to Nicole of Rainy Day Saver for including my post on What if I don’t invest in my 401(k)? in this week's Carnival of Personal Finance.

and to Evan of My Journey to Millions for including my post on Fun times at the Refund Corral in this week's Carnival of Money Stories 2. 

Be sure to submit to this week's Carnival of Personal Finance hosted by Pop Economics this week!

Giveaways ..... 

Extra Petite is running a giveaway for a petite-friendly bra.

The $5K/5K Challenge was a long sprint that we sprung on you.  It was meant as a friendly competition to encourage accountability and share an experience that is inevitably going to have its downturns.  Believe you me, I would not have been nearly as enthusiastic about cramming on those projects working late into the nights and sacrificing lovely sunny weekends without my cyber support and fellow "racers."
Of course, I never did decide exactly where that money was going to go, so let's do a quick allocation before getting the good stuff.  

The total:  $4700 (we're ignoring the change) 

Referring back to my Dual Household, Single Income post, and the follow-up with bloated savings goals of April, this should be pretty easy.


Almost too quick and easy, no?  I'm finally past the stage where I feel like every budget calculation has to be done a jillion times to be satisfying.

This fast-tracked savings challenge has allowed me to reach my savings goals almost 2 months in advance. If you revisit the original chart, the timeline had these pots filled by the end of July. This is an excellent leg up and head start into the next round of savings.

There's no guarantee that the next several months will be nearly as fruitful because freelancing puts you (mostly) at the mercy of the clients but that's part of life.

And, now for the good stuff!

Surprise!

I'm rewarding one of my intrepid challengers with a $50 Smarty Pig gift card!  Those who have been posting/updating their goals should leave a comment about their progress and email address to enter the randomized drawing.

The Rules:
I'll pick a winner on Tuesday 9 pm PDT, all decisions final, winner must respond within 24 hours of contact or I'll pick a new winner.  The reward is the responsibility of the Smarty Pig folks, I don't have the card myself.  Be forthright, be good, and prepare yourselves for the next challenge!  In fact, tell me what you'd like the next one to be.

*squeal*  I staked out the mailbox, trekking out no less than 4 times to see if it'd been delivered, because I was at 60% and that was, y'know, good and all but it's not nearly an A in the game of Winning.  Besides, I'd busted my butt the first two weeks of May to complete an assignment two and a half weeks early to ensure just for this challenge and by golly if the last check didn't squeak in under the wire!  

It was no walk in the park. I gave up many weekend hours to work on projects big and small, every penny and minute counting toward this challenge. No small part of that was good timing and luck - though SingleMa took me by surprise with her decision to run a 5K in 5 weeks instead of in October, I'd been "training" in my own way by diligently scouring for opportunities to earn extra income and committing to projects.  That's what made this kinda fun, and not just a horrible horrible idea.

Since I can't really share what I did for my work, my toil was in silence except for the weekly updates, but I appreciate those of you who stuck through it and achieved your personal goals.

I haven't yet decided where this money goes, so stay tuned for one last update on this tomorrow! 

Meanwhile ..... 


My Partner in Challenge, Single Ma rocked it out this morning:

Candace fulfilled her challenge:

The Fit Lounge went over and beyond her quota as well:

Congratulations to Single Ma, Candace and The Fit Lounge.  My quiet friends of the Challenge, how have you done?


Updates:

@tiredofbeingbro 

Will the cornerstone of Future Me's Castle crumble to bits? 

As excited as I was to start contributions to my new 401(k) as soon as I was eligible, the sad truth is that the plan carried by my company is less than ideal.  By that I mean, the expense ratios start at .65% and go up, way up, from there. For any asset allocation, an investor would have to accept a hit of 10-20% of contributions along with the usual investing risks. 

I'm a Vanguarder: no fees and low fees are my mantra!  While we have an up-to-4% match with a 6% contribution, mediocre funds, outrageous fees and other additional fees I've not yet ferreted out are already eating up any possible gains. Is that now 2% or less worth it?

Certainly it's 2% that I didn't have to contribute but consider that my money won't have the opportunity to perform in a stable fund like the ones I can find with Vanguard.  There are 5 index funds and their online access is limited - witness the fine print disclaimer that access may be restricted and will be limited during peak times.

I'm not sure the pros [the match and the tax benefits] outweigh the cons [poor funds, many fees].

Alternatively, I could always take cash and dump it into a ROTH, which doesn't actually give me any tax benefits right now, and also open up either a SIMPLE IRA or a SEP-IRA for the freelance income.  It's giving up the 4% match, but I can stick with Vanguard and not give up any of that match sacrificed to high fees.

It's hard for me to say: I won't invest in the 401(k) and will give up free money.  But it's harder to say I'm going to blindly follow conventional wisdom when I know it's not the usual free money is great scheme.

I got my money back!

D'you remember that sweater I splurged on back when I got the job? Mid March, I think it was. The promise was made out loud that if I got the job, I could have one sweater for the office.

Actually, I might never have confessed to the shopping trip because I lost my goldanged mind and bought five items for a total of $220.  Oh yes, I completely neglected to share that.  The shame..... 
.... 
anyway, that's not the point. 

It turns out that after the "victory" of finding clothes that fit, I realized my real mistake was buying clothes from Martin + Osa; it's like having a puff pastry for dinner.  The experience is nice, but it's not filling nor ultimately satisfying.  The sweater popped a seam within weeks after purchase, and the fabric pilled horribly.  Instead of taking it right back because A) I was lazy, B) the closest store (I thought) was 30 miles away, and C) I'd never picked up my mind where I left it because hello, your money?

I waited too long and the store that normally easily gave returns instead gave me guff because I made the mistake of trying to return the item on the same day the announcement was made that M+O were going out of business.

Oh.

But I spent way too much money on that sweater to have it fall apart like that so I got on the phones with Customer Service AND corporate to get a resolution.  Store closing or no, they have sister stores, a return policy that still allows returns for quality issues, and a reputation to maintain.  After a dozen emails with that many different answers, I was finally given the number to the American Eagle corporate office who again confirmed that this return was valid.  That lovely CSR went ahead and called the store manager, explained the situation and secured the promise that if the seam really had popped, my money was again mine.

Yes, I did spend $3.50 of that return money on parking, and $8.50 on tacos, but I'm still getting $70 back for a sweater that wasn't worth $20.  The rest of that money's going to the bank.

Small victories after a hard day at work, folks. 

As threats go, this classic gem from child to parent resonates with unbridled resentment, rings of freedom untasted, hardships unendured. Heartache follows, “how did we get to this place in our relationship?” Remorse to some degree on either side, and sometimes the threat is carried out to the ultimate grief or relief of the parties involved.

As a stratagem, my brother fails to recognize that the construct relies on the premise that you’re holding the power to do that which your antagonist least desires.

This? Is not that.

I can only hope that it’s not an empty threat that, like the overgrown child he is, he will find a new abode and throw his knapsack over his shoulder and huff off.

My only regret, after these twelve years of his nonsense, abuse, manipulation, the recent 3-year-block of which seemed like to end in some tragic circumstance, is that I’ll not see his dog again. I can’t part dog from owner nor could I keep one of his breed at my new home. He’s one of the smartest, most well behaved dogs I’ve ever met. Ironically, I can’t worry about my brother’s welfare anymore, but I do worry about the dog ending up homeless. Our last fight shows he’s still got no clue about taking care of anyone, including his own dog.

Cold, yes, but his latest extended chance in a string of hundreds has led only to abuse: heated accusations that Mom is faking her illness, her falls, the depths of her mental decline, abusive language towards Dad, lying to me, his unrestrained use of resources he’s not contributed to in years. I simply cannot afford financially or emotionally to keep caring or enabling.

As reported by my dad, the latest hissy fit was catalyzed by my dad's objection to Brat's definition of cleaning: “moving everyone else’s furniture around” and “throwing away other people’s belongings.” Not throwing away your own trash, folding your own laundry, washing your own dishes, picking up after your own, oh no. None of those.

*smh* Good, then. For the first time, my parents have finally agreed that my life has been on hold because of their refusal to support my decision to cut him out and agree that it’s time for him to go. Perhaps, though it hurts to say it, I’ll soon have the good fortune to see my brother voluntarily exit from my life and, away from the constant shelter I had to provide, he’ll finally grow up.